i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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