Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
