ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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