Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
