It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
porn star boner night. come get it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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