idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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