Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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