It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
