so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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