bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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