That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
