Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
