Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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