I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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