So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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