she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
