and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
