woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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