You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
