I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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