We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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