My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im holly from the hills drunk
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
