I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You can't motorboat a personality
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
