there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
