Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i believe in u and ur pee
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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