I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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