i barfeds in our rink
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
