Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
