You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
MIDGETS
????
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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