I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
