i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's blow job season.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
