Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
