Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
