I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
