He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
