official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize