Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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