You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
