you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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