Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
