We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
