he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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