**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
