Dude my mom stole all your condoms
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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