Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
