she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
