I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
