My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
