My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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