So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
