just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
