So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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