giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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