he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
